6 Months Old

Dear Sweet Baby Boy,

Today you are 6 months old. You are the light of our lives. I can hardly remember what it was like to be on this earth without you and I don’t want to. Your Daddy and I are amazed by everything you do. Literally, every single thing. You are learning and growing so fast we can’t even keep up. Your little personality is showing more and more. You love to roll on to your tummy right now but you also get easily frustrated by not being able to crawl once you do. You love to be read to and to look at all of the bright colors in the books. And you watch us very carefully while we eat. Vurrrry carefully.

When you were born I remember thinking that this was going to be so hard. Taking care of a baby was such uncharted territory. I had no idea what I was doing or if I would be any good at it. I had a nurse that scolded me while I was trying to get the hang of feeding you. I wasn’t feeding you enough, I wasn’t doing a good enough job. But I kept trying and we learned together. You never even lost an ounce of weight after we left the hospital. I started to feel confident. And then, you became very colicky. I felt as if you would cry for the rest of your life. We cried together.

It got easier and then it got harder again. You got sick and we spent 11 days in the hospital. I’ve never prayed so hard in my life. I’ve never loved anyone so fiercely. I’ve never been so terrified. But you made it through. We made it through together.

And now you’re 6 months old. They told me that the time flys and I’ve been mindful of it. I’ve soaked it all in. The newborn stretches and coos, the break in the colicky screaming, the first smile, the first giggle, the first time you rolled over. Even the awful helpless moments in the hospital that felt so surreal. And yet it still feels a little bit like I blinked and I suddenly have a 6 month old baby. It’s strange because I feel like I’ve always been your mommy. Sometimes when it’s late at night and you wake to be fed I will sit and hold you after you’ve gone back to sleep. I let my mind wander to a dark place – a thought of what it would be like to lose you. And I feel my chest tighten. But then I take a deep breath and thank God for you and your Daddy. I thank Him for all of the time that we have here together on earth. I thank him for giving me such a precious gift – the gift of motherhood, of understanding what it means to truly love another. I never could’ve known so many good things were waiting for me. And that so many things that felt important before you came into my life would suddenly feel so insignificant.

Landon, you are truly the best thing to ever happen to us. We love you. We can’t wait to give you the whole world.