We’re all familiar with the illusion of perfection in fashion magazines, TV commercials, and media in general. The airbrushed size double zero stick figure that we see in a fashion spread registers in most of our minds as ‘fake’. For some, it sticks and causes major body image issues- and for most of us (even though we know it’s fake!) it creates a nagging thought of, “Well I wish I at least had abs..” or something along those lines.
‘Personal Style‘ blogs have put a whole new spin on the way we (or at least the way that I) view fashion entirely. Being able to receive style inspiration from real women with real bodies? I’ll take that over a magazine any day! Being able to read someone’s blog, get to know their style, view their outfits, read about their daily life- there’s a personal level there that’s completely unique to blogging vs anything else. It’s real.
But is it? I’ve recently come across a few comments here and there around the web that seem to hold a hint of uncertainty. There’s a tension directed at personal blogs all over the internet (not just personal style and fashion!) from readers who are curious to know- “Is your life really that perfect?“. It got me to thinking about my own blog, because I tend to try and not post negative thoughts or drama-laden stories. It made me start to wonder, have we shifted from one illusion to another? Are there, for example, new mothers out there feeling helpless and exhausted who read and leave a blog feeling like a total failure after reading another new mom who simply writes about her ability to cook, clean, take care of a newborn, run a blog, spend time with her amazing husband, and also find time to relax. Is it inspirational – or a slap in the face? And this isn’t to say that if you can do all of those things that you shouldn’t or that you shouldn’t be proud of that fact and write about it. (If I can maintain a blog after I have a baby, I expect some sort of giant trophy- thanks!) I just wonder if we’re leaving out some of the honesty at times, the struggles. Not because we want to fake everyone out or be perfect, but just because it’s natural to write about the good times.
I’ve tried to pride myself on letting you all in to the ‘real me’. When I have a week where I just feel down and out- I usually talk on the blog about how I haven’t been feeling myself. Sometimes I write about Nate and I needing to slow down and reconnect. These are all small details of my very real life that I’m happy to share here (and on twitter) because I feel like people need to see the imperfections along with the happy go lucky days of rainbows and kittens. (By the way, there’s nothing wrong with rainbows, kittens, or cupcakes!!!) We certainly have rainbow kitten days, but come on- we all struggle on the daily with something!
Which brings me to my full circle ending – people, come on. I understand how it’s possible to look at / read a lot of blogs and feel like a big fat fail compared to that person. But I ask myself, and I ask you- why are we comparing ourselves to other people? Yes, it’s human nature. But no, you can not honestly believe that your favorite happy go lucky blogger never has an argument with their significant other, never gets a zit, never has cramps, never has an “ugly day”, and never just feels like staying in bed with the curtains drawn! We all need to keep a reality check on ourselves and realize that no one is trying to fool anyone here- we’re all just simply trying to share the joyous tidbits of our lives while trying not to focus too much on the harder to deal with issues that we may be tired of thinking about. (Not to mention, some things are just too personal- and if you’re airing your dirty laundry on the internet then that’s a whole different story!)
So, the next time you read a blog and feel a bit envious – just remember that we’re all human and no one is perfect. But we do all want to be happy, I think. We all want to share the good things on our blogs, with a small serving of the harder things. Let’s keep it real- but of course, let’s keep it positive too!
this was so nice and interesting to read!!
I've noticed that a great majority of people doesn't even read the blogs (skimmers included) and the most successful blogs today are those with 1% of text and 100% of pictures – in this day and age I don't think we can apply that old saying how an image is worth a thousand of words when so many of them distort reality. For me, fakeness is draining and I steer away from blogs with no real substance. I'd rather read/see a real chaos than a fake harmony.
I think you're right about pictures vs writing- but then again that's just based on personal preference too. We all have our things that we look for in a blog, and I'll be honest- I've come to a place now where it's actually difficult for me to read long posts without picture breaks in the text! I like a good even amount of both.
I think it's harder to judge who's "fake" than we think though- like I mentioned, I don't always enjoy posting that I had a crappy day at work and instead I take an outfit photo and talk about how beautiful the weather was! I think that's simply choosing not to dwell on the crappy day and to look on the bright side and I think a lot of bloggers do this and the "perfect" illusion is created.
And on skimming/not reading a blog: I wont say that I've never done this. I wont say that I've never quickly flipped to a blog with limited time, not had enough time to thoroughly read, but wanted to comment about the outfit photos. But, it does bother me when someone comments on my blog and asks questions about something that I've answered in that blog post or something like that to make it obvious. Especially if there are like 3 lines of "visit my blog" below it. That's not ok!
Even some style blogs have taken on that "non-reality" quality that we find so often in magazines and runway shows. Many bloggers DO have amazing figures, and whether or not they have to work hard to attain them, we can't help but compare ourselves. Additionally, more well-known bloggers are often sent the clothes that they post for free. They have expensive camera equipment. They hire people to style their blog layout.
None of these things are "bad", we just don't always think about the work and resources that go into these beautiful photographs. And when we can't produce similarly beautiful images, we blame ourselves.
The upside is that bloggers are much easier to identify as "real" people and therefore so much easier to relate to than models or celebrities. There are so many inspiring women out there blogging, and I am so grateful to them for their daily reminders that real women are strong and beautiful! (cue dramatic orchestra music) 🙂
Loved your comment! I think you're completely on point. It's so easy to blame ourselves for not having the time or the resources to do what a lot of other bloggers do. And, it's so easy to want to strive to be more like those who are "more successful". But I've had to teach myself to measure success by how I feel about my own blog, not anything else!
Of course I want a larger readership. Of course I would be crazy excited if I had x amount of comments on a post! And sometimes I think about those things, like anyone would. But when it comes down to it, I strive to please myself here and hope that other's like it too. I'm not 100% satisfied with my blog right now and I intend to make some changes soon.. and that's for me. Ya know?
i like what you wrote and I totally agree. I just find it odd how when people write about their bad day on their blog they are given slack for it. It’s happened to me which is why ive gone to writing private entries if I feel the need to vent.
It’s a double edge sword sometimes.
I feel envious of people I have gotten to know through blogging and Twitter. They always seem to have great things to say while I struggle to put something down. There is a certain group of people who all seem close to one another, and I'm standing on the outside, waiting to get invited in. I know it's stupid to be jealous of people. I'm working on it, though
This, this, this. That is how I've felt, a lot. It's like being the girl in high school who wants the popular girls to like her but she just can't quite get there, haha. And it sounds so trivial- but that feeling is REAL and it hurts when you just sooo want to be on the inside. I totally get it. But I finally had to say to myself- this is just not necessary! I still might have a day where I feel like my blog isn't as awesome as someone else's or whatever- but I know that if I want to be on their level, I have to work hard like they do. I think we just don't realize *how* hard some of the bloggers that we view as "successful" really work on their blog, photos, social networking, etc.
Thank you so much for responding to my comment. For so long, I've just wanted to feel included in this group. I see them Tweeting each other and blogging about one another. I try to jump in the conversation but get ignored. Maybe I just need to work a little harder?
You can always try harder. But maybe there's something else you could focus on other than trying to get in with a certain group. For me, I'm just trying to put a lot of work into my blog and communicate with people who seem interested and want to talk to me. I feel like the more successful my blog gets, the more likely someone who I feel is "ahead of me" will be to relate to me.. and then those friendships will just happen naturally if they're meant to. 🙂
I think I might write a post about this 🙂 Thank you so much for your support.
I'm not the type of girl who really gets jealous of other peoples blogs. Although I do get the occasional twinge of 'Oooo wish I'd thought of that first' or even a 'Well know I can't post about that subject because SHE posted about that subject and her blog way more popular than mine.' I still get excited about every single comment I receive (which isn't a lot) regardless of how many other people are getting.
But personally I don't really WANT to post about the drama and the bad days. Sure they happen, there is always a day I stub my toe or get in a fight with my boyfriend. But I just think of my posts as optimistic, maybe yes I stubbed my toe, but now that is FUNNY, and yes we fight, but at least I know he still loves me. Every now and then I think a little drama is necessary but if I write a post about something negative that means I have to dwell on my negative thoughts for the 30 minutes or more it takes me to write about it. And with most of our fights I'm just as wrong as he was about the subject anyway.
Exactly- dwelling on the negative is just silly. I make the most of my life when I post on my blog, because I know I'm blessed and I feel like that is what I should be sharing. But I think if so & so posts about something before you and you want to post about it as well, give your view of the topic!
Thank you so much for responding 🙂 I love hearing what you have to say <3
I agree with you completely. I don't like at blogs like A Beautiful Mess and think that they are purposefully trying to create a fake image; I think they are just focusing on the positive and being creative. They don't have to focus on the negative or very personal aspects in their lives. It's their blog; they can do and say what they want. I think people forget that.
Also, if you constantly hate and compare yourself to other bloggers- which I get can be natural or even subconscious- you have a whole other problem. I just don't compare myself to other people. I have a unique lifestyle with a unique history and background. I have different experiences. That's okay. It's okay that people are successful bloggers; like you said, they worked hard to get there.
And I am becoming that blogger with less photos and more writing, and I realize that that probably turns people away. But it gets me good conversation with the kind of people who I'd want to conversate with or stick around on my blog.
Loved this post, if you couldn't tell!