I have had a lot of memories popping up on various social media platforms lately. One year ago today I wrote: I don’t know how I am going to manage XYZ without any help. It was the beginning of the pandemic anxiety and the guilt of having to split myself between all of my responsibilities when Nate was on shift and in class. How would I get it all done? How would I take care of everything and everyone I needed to take care of? My kids are important, my job is important – it felt impossible. Then Landon started school and we threw another thing into the mix. Virtual kindergarten! He did really well and thank goodness we ended up with a wonderful teacher who managed that mess amazingly. She really knew their limits and that was a big help but it was still rough on everyone.
As time went on, things didn’t start to feel more manageable. We didn’t find our groove or our routine. I can’t really put any sort of positive spin on it like that. It was hard and I just … did it. I got up every day and did whatever ridiculous juggling act I had to do. That’s what I’m still doing when I have to. And I think that is what everyone has done throughout this pandemic. No matter what your specific responsibilities are, no matter what hardships you have faced personally, no matter if they have been harder or easier than mine – they have stretched us all to the absolute max. We have all had to figure out a way to work around the missing pieces that Covid took away from us and I’m proud of our resilience.
So I hope you realize all that you’ve accomplished over this past year in the middle of a worldwide pandemic. I hope you’ve allowed yourself some grace – hopefully more than I have allowed myself. I hope you’ve opened your eyes to the things that really matter in this world and let go of the hurtful things you’ve been holding on to. Being pushed into living in fight or flight mode for over a year forced me to refocus my energy because I simply had nothing left to give to anything else. It was a hard lesson but somewhere along the way, it made me more grateful for everything I have.