I’ve been a bit quiet lately in this space and across my social channels. That can be pretty normal for most people but for me, well, it’s not. When I was younger I was pretty vocal online no matter what was going on. Happy thoughts, sad thoughts, passive-aggressive thoughts – I used to put it ALL out there. As I’ve gotten older I have started to internalize things a bit more. The social media world wants “raw” content and I enjoy being real with my little internet audience but I also feel more protective of myself and my family than I ever have. I don’t want everyone to think I have it all together (I doubt they do) because I don’t, but I also don’t want to be seen as someone who is complaining, whining, or even being vague in certain situations when I have SO much to be thankful for. Changes, both good and bad, take me to a quiet place now and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I just need more time to process it all. We have a beautiful new house and I’m ecstatic but I haven’t shared many photos because I’m still processing the huge change.
It can also be frustrating to put everything out there to the point where people no longer see the need to catch up with you. Right? After all, if you can read my business online and come up with your own assumptions about how my life is going then why bother even checking in? I’ve felt this over the years and it can be frustrating to know that virtually anyone can “catch up” with me without having to even extend a friendly hello. It’s a double-edged sword for sure. I am a person who needs connections with my close friends. At 32 I have finally figured out how to stop putting energy into feeling sad when someone else doesn’t need or want that connection with me and put it into relationships with people who have similar needs. It has been a positive change for me. With the changing seasons of life, I always keep that hope alive for faded friendships to come back around, but I don’t dwell on it anymore. If there’s one thing I have learned though, it is to never say never. Life is wild and weird in that way.
All of this to say – there have been a LOT of changes lately. I’ve started time and again to blog, vlog, and Instagram right on through them but there have been so many times where I have started to type out a blog, film a video, come up with a caption, or share a photo and then I’ve just hit the delete button because it didn’t really capture what I was feeling or what I wanted to convey. So many good things have happened lately and for the most part, I’ve been keeping them all to myself because… I can. 🙂 And that’s the thing – it’s good stuff!! But even the good stuff can be draining when you add in work, kids, and all of the
2019 has been the year of positive change but it has also been the year where I have given more of myself than I ever have and have unapologetically taken back what I felt I needed for my own wellbeing. I’m in a good place and I’m focusing on even more positive changes – being a better mom, wife, daughter, and friend. I love this little internet space and I’m thankful for everyone who takes the time to read my thoughts and interact with me on some level or another.